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deliver | 04 Фебруар, 2007 14:51

                          Ја као Oн

Бол у грудима није посустајао. Чинило му се као да је сваки удисај носио са собом још прегршт удара. Готово да није ни осећао дан којим се будио. Све је било једнолично. Слупчано у болу...

 ... Трудио се да се бар отргне од уморних капака који су желели да се изнова и изнаова заклопе, замандале и оно мало беде што га је неуморно чекала, и чекала и чекала... Понекад би и посустао, допустио да тежина уснулости и меланхолије преовлада. Побегао би тада у кратак, петнаестоминутни сан. Скраћивао је себи муке. Сваком секундом.

      А шта сам ја могао учинити за таквог човека? Пружити му руку?! Знате ли да је већ хиљаду руку било пружено ка њему?! Ниједну није прихватао. Веровао је да нису њему дане. Очекивао је да ће све проћи једним, по стоти пут, сниваним сном.  

        Жалим га и данас, и сваким даном који ми донесе са собом његов нестао дах. Лик му се изгубио већ одавно по сивилу улица оних истрошених, изгажених и толико пута запрљаних па испраних. Али дах је ту, обитава на углу мојих очију, на тамним корицама мојих књига, мојих јадних и исто онолико бедних путописа, драма, комедија, исто онолико безвезних и трулих трагедија.

      И постанем ја Он. Угнездим се у усплахирени ветрић својих храбрих подухвата. И живим. Ја као Он. Велика тачка у океану сећања. Када додирнем онај свој чувени, никада издахнути шапат, зароним се. Потече на све стране, па почне да гуши. А ја грлом све дубље и дубље. Тражим неко помиловање у својој изнемоглој жртви. Рачунам, па саберем све оне своје рачуне и добијем нулу. Ни трага од опроштаја, а камоли новог уздаха, да не кажем шапата. Шапат! Као да ме шапом шапата. Среће ниоткуда. Отишла је срећницима. Ка мени се није ни осврнула.

       Хм, ја као он...Безброј покрета. Читав спектар гестова. Бацим се од себе да казним и оно мало људскости што се шћућурило у ћошку нових покушаја. Бунтован ја, баналан. Изнурен чекам под оштрицама. Сам.         

        Ја као Он.  #
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